Grief is a bitch.

I’ve wanted to come back and post on here for a bit now. But I wasn’t sure how. Not in a logical or mechanical sense. I remember how to open up a web browser, type the words and click the buttons to make it happen. The last two posts I made, about Eric, and a letter to my Baby Boy, neither of those were posts I wanted to, even thought I’d ever need to make. Of course, not too long before that, a post about my Grandma. And it’s been hard to think of something to come on here and write about that would end up pushing those posts down the page. 

Getting regular updates on this site has always been a goal. And it’s always been a goal I’ve failed to meet. If I want to actually get on track, I need to know it’s ok to move on from those posts. I’ll never move on from that grief. These tragic things happened, and it sucked*. But, just like that grief, those posts will never truly be gone. Sure, new things will appear, and distract from them. And they’ll be welcome distractions. But the posts, like the grief, will always be there, in the background. And that’s ok. 

So how do I move on? If this feeling has held the site hostage thus far, what’s going to stop it now? Honestly, I’m hoping that just posting this article, talking about it, will help. We’ll see if that’s the case. I’m marking Tuesdays on my calendar as the new “Post something on the website day.” If you check back on Tuesday, and there’s nothing new, well, then I guess there’s more work to do (I should probably come up with some ideas of what to even post about…).

See you Tuesday.

*I know just saying these things “sucked” seems like a minimization of what actually happened. But that’s the best descriptor my brain can apply. So, I’m not downplaying it. 

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